@rhyperographer Yeah those are indeed the candidates. Count Binface stands in opposition in whichever constituency is the incumbent Prime Minister’s. The guy next to him is the Monster Raving Loony Party, who do something similar but don’t limit themselves to the PM.
Believe it or not, this is actually a great and noble tradition of UK politics, and I invite everyone to look up Count Binface’s manifesto.
Here it is:
BINFACE MANIFESTO 2024
BLOODY LOYAL TO WHEREVER I’M STANDING FOR ELECTION
1 all Water bosses to take a dip in british rivers, to see how they like it
2 national service to be introduced for all former prime ministers
3 wifi on trains that works
4 trains that work
5 the reintroduction of ceefax
6 children in need to finally get round to fixing pudsey’s eye
7 traffic on northallerton high street to be fixed by a new space bridge, bypassing both level crossings
8 european countries to be invited to join the uk, creating a new ‘union of europe’, if you will
9 wallace and gromit to be knighted, for services to wensleydale
10 I pledge to build at least one affordable house
11 croissants to be price-capped at £1.10, and 99 flakes to cost 99p
12 national yorkshire pudding day to be a bank holiday (except for banks)
13 loud snacks to be banned from cinemas and theatres
14 pensions to be double-locked, but with a little extra chain on the side
15 claudia winkleman’s fringe to be grade 1-listed
16 new series of gladiators to feature ’90s gladiators against age-appropriate contenders
17 minsters’ pay to be tied to that of nurses for the next 100 years
18 shops that play christmas music before december to be closed down and turned into public libraries
19 to combat the uk’s increasingly wet climate, all british citizens to be offered stilts
20 a ban on speakerphones on public transport. offenders to be forced to live with matt hancock for a year
21 the mini golf course at richmond swimming pool to host the open championship
22 mps to live in the area they wish to serve for 4 years before election, to improve local representation
23 the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the crown & treaty, uxbridge to be moved to a more sensible position.
24 count binface to represent the uk at eurovision
Sally Jackson Mamma Mia summer she hooks up with three seemingly normal guys and gets pregnant and has a baby and then smashcut 12 years later, there’s a world-ending prophecy and all three guys show up at her doorstep arguing over what do you mean you both broke the agreement too? Are you serious?
i think about where george lucas had planned to take star wars more than i should, but particularly because i am fascinated by the original idea of vader going to luke himself and asking for help atoning, which was cut and condensed into ROTJ for time constraints. and i want to write it. i really do. but the unfortunate thing is that i was of the generation of kids who watched avatar: the last airbender growing up, and all i can think about is vader testing his fucking opening lines like zuko does. the concept of HEY, LORD VADER HERE is irresistably funny
like, i wish i could just show people how i imagine this going. you’ve got a john-wick-if-everyone-had-swords ass sequence of vader going AWOL and slaughtering everyone who catches him, because he decided he was going to be a Better Person four minutes ago and has failed to necessarily stick to that. and then you immediately smash cut to a wrecked, smoldering ship and vader sitting ramrod straight on a piece of the rubble trying to appear nonthreatening, pitching his HEY, LORD VADER HERE speech to a turtle. he’s still splattered in the blood of all the ex coworkers he just killed. the space turtle is hiding in its shell and vader decides if it peaks its nose out he’s going in the right direction
and the really fucking funny thing is that vader would pull the same shit. he’d see a rebel base and he’d sense luke and it’d just be like ah, yes. why don’t i just simply walk right in. he immediately gets fired at by every soldier in the near vicinity, and because vader has been murdering people for a quarter century figuring out how to block incoming fire without just killing people is actually kind of a headscratcher, so he’s just getting hit with a bunch of lasers that have about as much effect as spitballs but do make a really hilarious PLINK PLINK PLINK PLINK sound when they hit his helmet. and the entire time he’s just standing there
Btw, if you listen to your books, you can now join this 18th century fantasy adventure with queer assassins bantering, soul-searching, and finding lovers while hunting an underground crime lord in a Swedish city. It can be pre-ordered on Audible and iBooks (sadly not in all regions.)
i still hate y’all bitches who say oc x canon shit is cringe like bitch you have ANY idea how flattered i would be if someone made an oc for my fantasy world? how utterly PSYCHED my ass would be they loved a character so much they fleshed out one themselves just 2 be with one of mine? fuck y’all haters
And whata fucking bout it? Who gives a fuck? Does it hurt you, does it break into your home and steal your meemaw’s ashes? Does it spit on your holy symbol? No? Then shut the fuck up
